Why Star Wars III Should Be Good, But Why It Won’t Be
I invite you to witness why I am fucking lame.
For one, i think about retarded things like this entry. I was reading this article in the New York Times (find it yourself) about these whiny fucking science-fiction writers bitching about how George Lucas had cheapened Star Wars and chiefly, how Star Wars wasn’t “true science fiction,” and I thought, “duh, of course it’s not, get the fuck over it and go back to jacking off to your self-important ideas about the future.” Ok, not quite, i like many dysutopian novels, but i’ve never read Asimov for example and would never claim to be a Sci-fi person.
ANYHOW. Of course, Star Wars isn’t true science fiction, it was never meant to be and the science fiction writers are probably secretly lamenting the fact they’re not uber-rich like no-neck Lucas. It’s not science fiction. It’s using the future as a setting, a backdrop. But that’s not my point.
Star Wars is a basic fable about good vs. evil. It’s not rocket science or Shakespeare, just a stock archetype of age-old storytelling paradigms. Sure, fine, we all agree, cool. My problem is that, as much as Star Wars’ story is stock, flat, cliche, etc., the last episode of Star Wars should, in theory, be fantastic.
But the main problem is, I just think Lucas can’t tell a fucking story to save his life. The story is obvious, but it’s has at its feet a treasure trove of material to work with. A goldmine of epic proportions with such classic arcs. The biblical idea is obvious and in some cases overt; it’s the story and rise of fall of the chosen one - a Jesus-like figure essentially who is seduced by Satan.
It’s almost a futuristic version of, ‘What if Jesus had actually been seduced by Lucifer?’ How is that not fucking totally tragic and sad? You should be crying at the end of "Revenge of the Sith," but Lucas hasn’t made the audience ever invest or care in his characters since the prequels began. They’re just serving a wooden and hollow plot, robotically acting out a backstory that’s amazing on paper and empty in execution.
Think about it. In Episode I, the characters are living in the golden age - a veritable Garden of Eden. The ships are elegant, almost overwrought and shine like gold, cause everything is awesome! Culture at the time is prosperous and is reflected in the gowns, and extravagance of everything that appears on screen (think later in Star Wars with the beat-to-shit Millenium Falcon and the ragged clothes and shithole spaceports everyone has to suffer). I know this sounds gay, but bare with. But this Garden of Eden has a snake: Senator Palpatine (in english, this means the Emperor, the big evil daddy).
The “You were the chosen one” line that Obi Wan yells in the Ep III trailer seems melodramatic, but when you think about it, it is so fucking tragic! This guy (Anakin) had everything, he would have one day been Yoda, been God, and had all the power of the universe at his command. But his fucking petty emo-bullshit got the best of him. And of course it did. If anyone with all the power in the world destined to be the most powerful figure in the universe would fuck it up, it’d would be a teenager whose naivety and arrogance would get the best of him. (Of course shitty things happened to him growing up that cause his fall from grace — see Ep II when his mom dies — but fuck if Lucas makes you feel like these events really scarred the child at all). He’s misguided, angry at the world and full of angst; the classically petulant teenager.
Anakin (Hayden Christiansen - sic) was born with the greatest power in the world, but not the wisdom and maturity to fucking handle it and at that crucial point in his life he was met with an illusion. An illusion of greatness that was a corruption he was too stupid, too young, too blind to see. It’s a sad and tragic fucking story. Imagine if Jesus wasn’t pure of heart. He was given the apple and seduced (of course the parallel, doesn’t quite work, there is no Eve, Jesus is not Adam obviously, but the principle of it is in place. Sure some shades of Faust as well, but principally we are working within a biblical context, Anakin was born from an immaculate conception if you can bare to remember Episode I).
Though it inherently might be a superior film to Episode’s II and II cause it’s a tragedy it won’t surprise me if Lucas somehow botches it. But it’s almost impossible for him to do it. It’s hard not to empathize with those that blew it (Anakin and to some extent the Jedi council) for not recognizing what was going on and those who suffer the consequences (Padme, Anakin, the entire galaxy). As an audience, one would believe it would be hard not to empathize with the story.
But I don’t think Lucas approaches the material this way. Maybe he does, but it never fucking comes across on screen cause he’s so fucking concerned with CGI and awesome light saber duels. Obviously, he’s not Shakespeare, but it’s a no brainer. It’s a goldmine of classic storytelling just waiting to be exploited. If Lucas is smart, which he isn’t, he’ll at least use a lot of the original music in this last episode to exploit people’s sense of nostalgia and by doing so, give the tale the weight and gravitas its been clearly missing. $100 bucks says he prolly just uses the emperor’s theme (menace), but c’mon there’s so much stronger material to convey tragedy. I could make a better film.
I can’t believe I just barfed up all this garbage.
